This and That and HD

So after 3 weeks and almost 2 days here is an update to how I am doing.
I went to the doctor on Wednesday to get a referral to a fertility specialist. I will definitely keep you posted on how that goes. I don't know what the doctor will say. It feels so odd to be going to a fertility specialist when I have never even tried to get pregnant before. I am definitely in the minority for several different reasons. What sucks is even if the doctor wanted to get started right away, there are many things to consider before getting pregnant. The primary concern, of course, is money. We need a lot of money to have a baby and then a lot more to care for the little bundle of joy. It is a rough road we are on, but it is the only road for us.
I still haven't cried. If I wanted to, I could of course, but that would require a lot of dwelling on the bad. It can't be changed so I am choosing to set that aside. However, it is always in the back of my mind. I get jealous when other people do so easily things that I cannot do. I also get pretty down when I think about the things that a short life takes away from me. The good news is, it isn't guaranteed that it will be taken away forever. I am still working on a list of supplements and way to delay symptoms as long as I can. I will truly be grateful for any extra time I can get before I am mentally gone from this world. I also remain hopeful for a treatment.

My brother is on my mind. I don't want him to have this gene. I don't want my mother to have two kids with this gene. I don't want him to have children and maybe pass down this gene (at a possibly even higher CAG count). I don't think it has thought it through. He is choosing to remain in the dark. I hope he changes his mind. I could help him through it. We would be bonded forever. I hope he doesn't have it.
My father is also on my mind. Should I tell my grandma that he has it? He has no money, no income, no health insurance, no way to pay for any care he will eventually need. She can't take care of him in her old age. Wow this is really tough. I don't want to take away his choice to not know. But eventually doctors will have to get involved. Maybe I will just keep a close eye for worsening symptoms. He is only 44 and his CAG might be lower than might. He still has time. Meanwhile, I need to take some time to get to know him. Sad stuff.
We are going to the National Convention in Louisville. We got a scholarship to go that pays for the hotel, gas, and admission. I am grateful. I hope to get better informed, meet some lovely people, and participate in a study that could help find a treatment! There is a workshop called 'Young adults coping with a positive result'. It's perfect! I am looking forward to it.
This disease is bad. Shit. I don't want a career anymore. I feel like I don't have time for it. I have lots of more important things to focus on. Family, friends, ME.