Stress and HD

I've been experiencing a lot more stress than before I discovered I had HD. This stress is brought on because of financial reasons and also because of my lack of time. I feel rushed. I don't have forever to save for a baby, or a house, or anything. Even though I was very conscientious before, I was still pretty worry free in the big scheme of things. Now I feel a lot of pressure to hurry up and get my life going! I've been reading about IVF and that stresses me out! I haven't even met with a doctor yet, but I already know that it might not work! I may have to try IVF multiple times to get pregnant with no insurance coverage at all. Who has that kind of money? It costs like $10,000 a try! I'm willing to pay the ten grand, but geez the chances of getting pregnant on the first round are not high! So many things can go wrong at the various stages of the process. It really sucks that I might have to pay 2x, 3x, 4x that amount! Oh lord, I can already see the debt piling up! We will never get out of this hole. Should I just give up on my dream? Damn...

I am infinitely jealous of those people who can do without thinking. What in the hell is that like? I would definitely not know... Sometimes it doesn't work out for them and there is no guarantee that those people are going to have any easier of a life than me, but for right now, their life looks pretty good. Sigh.
I feel as though I am full to the max with BS. Seriously, I don't think I could handle one more bit of bad news. I've got it together right now, but the next thing to go wrong may very well knock me on my ass. I am able to get my mind off things just fine. But then as soon as I have a quiet moment, or something reminds me of my circumstances and I feel crushed. Having a disease is bad. I'm supposed to be young and care free. Too bad for me...
So on top of the whole money issue, the fact that my life has been drastically shortened weighs on me. I was all signed up and ready to get that Bachelor's degree. Now it seems like a waste of time. I feel as thought my priorities have had to shift and I would only have time for half a career. How can I spend so much time working and going to school when I only have a good 20 years left? Damn damn...
Everyone one has money problems, that's for sure, but until now I have never been so stressed. Other can just get pregnant at no cost to them. It's free. As it should be. The amount of money I am thinking of spending to have a baby is probably unthinkable to everyone I know. It is A LOT of money. Lately I've been thinking that our time on Earth is kinda pointless and depressing. Sad but true... Without a family of my own to rear and care for, it would most certainly feel pointless to me.

P.S. As I read over this point I see that it sounds very depressing. The fact is that I am in the difficult situation of being happy and totally depressed at the same time. So while my happy side might be more obvious. This is me showing you my other sad, angry, stressed side. I'm complicated.